help me God.
i cant do this.







i really really cant.



: (
please.

help me.

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

i cant do this.

its been some time.
why am i still listening to that pathetic song.

is it divine intervention or what.
i was plain miserable then today's sermon just felt so apt.

i wish you were here wifey.

i wish things were the same all over again.

: (

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

no matter how hard i try, i cant seem to be able to.

believe me when i say i do try.

-

i've come to a few conclusions:
1) its really quite stupid to try to make someone see your point when time and again the person doesnt get it. thats the whole reason why they never got it, and will probably never.
2) insecurities manifests itself in more ways than one.
3) people who dont deserve what they have only have it because of this thing called grace.
4) saying the right things doesnt make things right.
5) some people cant appreciate strange people.
6) despite trying not to bother, i still do.
7) people who claim they would be foreverfriends, are the ones who never last more than a year.
8) the friends you were never able to click when you first meet, usually become the closest people to you.
9) having the person not see your point is probably the more infuriating thing in the world.
10) everything is a matter of priority. there's no such thing as no time.

i know, they all seem quite random.

my thoughts are so cluttered i dont quite know where to start whenever i talk to a close friend and try to tell them stuff.

my room is like this warzone. i have clothes strewn everywhere, pens at every available space on the table, and notes, books, bags everywhere.
i've counted. i have a total of 11 bags here in my room with me now.
i would love for my shoes to outnumber my bags, haha, but sadly the shoe collection looks pretty pathetic for now.
i'm still looking for pretty ballet pumps and hopefully a pair of pointy striped keds.

i'm been so busy i think i've been mia-ing at alot of things.
lunch, dinner etc etc. no time to go to parties, no mood.
3 people have commented on how exhausted i am, 2 have asked me if i lost weight.
: (
i think its the stress.

i should be in bed now.
but there's just so much to think about.
futile, i know. but i'd love to think that thinking would make a difference.
though i know it wouldnt.

i'm really tempted to fly home for the 2 weeks in july.
i have decided i'm not going to fly back for my 21st after all.
exams are more important.
i'm really really really tempted to do the july thing.
2 weeks is terribly short, but a belated celebration with mommy and daddy is better than no at all.
so if i ultimately decide to do the 2 weeks thing, it wont be that long before i see you guys.
8 weeks to the end of sem, 1 week study break, 2 weeks exams, then i'll be home.

i miss you my mommy/daddy/mei/girlfriends/angeline/wifey/fifi/cow/hannah/cons.
AH!

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

maybe i'm still at square one. maybe we'll never ever.

-

saturate me,
call me deeper,
at Your throne i will lay down.

-

why is it so so so so difficult.

: (

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

the kneejerk reaction of a person usually shows how the person really is like.

my reaction to it made me realise how far i've come.
i dont know whether its a good thing.

-

my manna.
: )
my food that will last.

-

why does the orbit and the pterygopalatine fossa have so much information to digest?

i need my life back, along with candy, a flat tummy and my kind of happyness.
: )
i miss it, yet i dont know why the confusion of it all still bugs me.

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

like a tree planted by streams of water.
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
whatever he does prospers.

-

i dont know why,
i feel disturbed when i see pictures.
there's this thing in my heart that gives its leap.
like i'm expecting to see(or not see) something.

i'm slowly grasping that concept.

-

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

dear daddy and mommy,
if you happen to find out how much i've spent today,
please do not kill me.
its just me trying to make myself feel better after a really horrid 2 weeks.

thank you.
:)
the prettiest hoodie i've seen in a long while.
love the silver :)
no i didnt buy this pair of havis. they were just so small and cute i think they were the size of my palm :)

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

i dont know whether to rejoice or dread.

-

anyhow, i think i've messed it up majorly.

-

got my 3 hour nap, and at least i can sit here now and type this entry without feeling so exhausted i want to throw up everything in my intestines.

-

happiness doesnt come when things are perfect.
happiness comes knowing you're right at the stage of your life you should be, because for now, at this very moment, this is where He wants you to be and this is what He wants you to have.

i've learnt.
its not about having everything sweet and frothy.

its good to want and plan and have ideals.
but centering everything around those ideals wouldnt make anything work.
at the end of the day, nothing is mine.

its all Yours.
and i thank you for it.



help me in my imperfection.

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

its PROSH tomorrow.

the meds have ALL their labs and tuts cancelled this week because its prosh week.
they dont have school tomorrow because its prosh.
in fact, EVERYONE doesnt have school tomorrow because its prosh.
EVERYONE EXCEPT US.

not only do we have not have any classes cancelled during the week,
we have class, clinic, and lab as usual tomorrow.
AND I HAVE A TEST IN THE AFTERNOON.
AND I HAD 3 TESTS THIS WEEK.

anyone who thinks they are busy should just come into my life.

i've pon-ed less than 5 lectures after 7 weeks of school.
yet i am 7 weeks behind in one of my units because i havent started any reading.

erica and i have concluded that to actually pass(not do well), we need to have no life.
i just majorly messed up 2 very very important papers.

how are you supposed to know every single part of a bone. there's like 20 parts for each, multiply that by like 5-7 bones a lab, multiply by that by 10 labs.
then there's the brain, the muscle, the different layers of muscles, the nerve the vasculature the EVERYTHING.

after my test today i was dead dead tired but i still had to go back to change into pants to go to clinic to finish up my labwork.





really.
i feel really blah now.

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

i have this sudden strong urge to fly home.


i really dont know why.
its so strong i find myself looking at the calendar for a possible long weekend i get to fly home.


: (

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

why so abrupt?

i cant help but wonder who's behind all these sudden desires to leave.

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

give me back my life.

i havent dressed up and gone out in ages.

-

i have a freaking barrier test tomorrow. if i fail the test i fail the entire unit. if i fail the unit i get retained.
this time its really not the slack.
i dont have enough time.

LEAD meeting next thursday, prep for word, training on saturday and sunday.
sch's even more hectic than usual, we're expected to do so much more than go to school for lectures and labs.

i've missed out on three 21st parties back home, and by the conversations i've had and the emails i've received it looks like i'm going to miss out on another 2-3 in the next month or so.

i have not enough time to sleep, think and even eat.

i didnt even have the time to skype daddy mommy angeline auntie irene and everyone just now.

i have my clinical test tomorrow and only 3 out of 8 of the notes read.
i think i wont be sleeping anytime soon.
:(

the workload, its hell crazy.
why dont the meds ever get 3 tests in a row like we do?
they have a freak easy timetable, and their tests come one at a time, with huge blocks of time for them to study.
i know i'm whining, but seriously, if my tests were more spaced out i'm sure i'd get to study a whole lot more.

now i dont know whether to sit here and cry or sit here and pull out all my hair. lol.

-

i'm serious.


really i am.
were you?

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

i think its time i posted up some PEEKTURES.
: )
here are those from andrew's convo that night.
at the tunnel to school. ophee, ra, and ame!
then ophee, ra and me. seriously i dont know what we were doing.
andrew with the nedlands girls!uni at night. with everyone all gone, and the fcc-ians being the last group standing.
: )

ciao italia soon!

: )

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

please,
dont leave me behind.

-

the week was crazy.
i didnt manage to get my treatment plans done, spent loads of time trying to study for a test(but didnt finish) that the lecturer forgot about, sacrificed sleep for the test and had to stay awake all through all that drilling, rushed around, led worship, had cell.

next week, there's clinical dent test on monday, head and neck anatomy test on tue, and operative dent test on wednesday.
well at least i'm going out with my meddents on thur.
: )

its gonna be auntie anwar's 21st soon.
i'm racking my brains trying to think of what to do.
which reminds me,
i havent decided if i should fly home for my 21st.

-

5 loaves and 2 fishes.

my strange sense of wonder.

some things are so signature.

the line i refuse to cross.

-


meredith grey meets carrie bradshaw.
when again?

she says i need to stop.

saying the right things, doesnt make things right.
stop saying the right things, girl.
irks me.
me irks me.


ah,
i think i may get it soon.


-

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

the meeting got me thinking.

got me challenged.

yes, worship is what you think about when you're not consciously thinking.

-


to do much more than i could do.

thank you Jesus,
for all the grace,
and yes, passion- however much i am unable to comprehend at this point of time.

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

4 in the morning.



this is me trying to do what is right, hoping one day it'd all be the same again.

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

: (

: (

: (

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

i always go on and on about how i hate change.

i still do, despite trying not to.

-

its like meredith grey meets carrie bradshaw.

not that dark and twisty anymore.
i really really dont know how to put it.


-


in some ways i cant be bothered.
though i know i should.

the crazy workload makes me too tired to dwell on anything.

-


how do i say it?


:/

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

i dont know how i'm going to do this.

drafts for patient profile, treatment plan, medical report, dental report and history all due tomorrow.
pros lab tomorrow.
optech tomorrow.
dmi test the next day.

plus i think its my turn to lead worship this friday.




i need 48 hours.
ah.

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

my dear wifey.

i'm really sorry i wasnt there last night.
i wish i was.

and i just want to say,
at the end of the day no matter what happens, i'll always be supporting you okay.
you'll always be my wifey.
: )

-


is this how it ends?
the undeserved always ends up happy.


after looking to the cross, denying ourselves,
having premature endings.


the same way Meredith Grey needed to see Christina Yang walk down the aisle.


i was distracted.
during word, during everything.


-


: (

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

its one of those nights where you're dead dead tired and you wanna crash, yet you know that there's just too much on your mind so you stay up and watch silly bimbotic shows then do your qt and sleep.

i hope i dont start watching private practice or gossip girl.
its not the time to get hooked on another show.

sometimes there's just so much to say,
yet i cant.

i dont like it being this way.
really i dont.


: (

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

someone just asked me online.
"if you are so busy, why are you not mugging?"

seriously, why am i not mugging.
dmi test next week. 3 tests the week after.
lots of other commitments taking up my time too.

there's just so much to occupy me with.

wifey i read your blog.
i cant believe our lives are so busy we have no time to sit there and breathe and relax.
its like at every moment there is something to do or something to stress about.
i wish we had more time to sit here and talk everyday like we did, but so much has changed, and i just wanna say how i'm just glad wifeys will always be wifeys.
you dont know how glad i am that you have rs now, how happy it makes me to see you so so happy : )
a new season, a different phase, i'm just so proud of you and us : )

cow cow cow!
please do come. you HAVE to come.
i could come up with ten thousand reasons for you to come but really, i miss you so much and i just want to see you : )

mei my sweet sweet mei.
why arent you here? there's no one to fuss over me shopping too much, no one to warn me to be a good girl, no one for me to nag at.

-

i realise i've been so busy, i havent thought that much about it.
then just as i do think about it,
it pops up on my msn.
sigh.

: (

: (

:(


-


i realise i've taken to just using smileys.
its so much easier.

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

i've lived through yet another week of dental labs, stress, and what not.
well, almost.
its thursday, and i dont know whether to feel relieved or stressed.

i failed my MOD today.
i finished it in like half an hour or so, spent the other one and a half hours waiting for tutors, then trying to polish it here and there and making it worse.
i am feeling really depressed.
over a freaking little plastic canine, which i drilled a MOD into.

just like that.
i am feeling : (

the same way how my MO's on my 36 could make me so pleased, my MOD's on my 24 are leaving me sulky.

-



more precision, more accuracy, better judgement, greater dexterity.
oh, and better skill in reading mirror images and interpreting them.

i need to drill my uppers the way i drill my lowers.
help me.

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

i've just had a really long holiday. holiday as in "no school" holiday, but i'm still as tired.

i was really tempted to skip anat lect this morning. plus it was so freaking cold i had to go plug in my heater just to get changed.
i was so tired i didnt pay attention during microbio lab.
anat lab was as bad. all the different vertebrae was staring right at me and i just stared right back at them.
this is what you get when you dont bother doing pre-lab.
sigh.

i just spent another night watching sex and the city.
someone should seriously confiscate my hard drive.

tomorrow is wednesday. wednesday means 2 dental labs in a row. neat hair, proper shoes, long pants, clinic coat, goggles, mask, gloves, drill.
followed by cell at night.
oh and there's fnl this friday.

i'm so tired i dont even wanna do anything.
SIGH.
being so tired just makes everything seem so much worse.
:(



boo.

double boo.
:(

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.

i just spent the last one hour talking to my lovely girl.

we havent had such a good talk in ages i'd almost forgotten how much fun we have together.
: )

we should skype more often. haha.
skype works amazingly well these days.

we're at different stages, i'm glad we still complement each other.
(haha that totally sounds wrong but lol)
i still find it so crazy. my dear girl. first date and you've reached first base? be careful man, be real real careful. HAHAHAHA.
take care, have fun, and enjoy the love of your life.
i'm totally happy and excited for you.
wedding bells, dear. WEDDING BELLS! haha.
: )

dont be so busy you forget about me.
remember to come visit me here,
and i lovelovelovelove you.

haha okay, maybe he loves you more.
: )

i'll see you in june(if i go home or if you come over) and thanks for getting me my book.
i'll do some clothes shopping for u here!
lovelove.
: )

♥ fancy pink
in vintage.